(My speech given at the wedding of our
son, Mwindula, on Saturday December 23, 2017)
This speech is being given on behalf of
my wife, Felistas, and myself. I've entitled it Déjà vu. Wikipedia says, “Déjà
vu is from French, and literally means ‘already seen’. It is the phenomenon of
having the feeling that the situation currently being experienced has already
been experienced in the past.” (To avoid being long-winded due to excitement, I
have written down this speech word-for-word, including this same statement!).
Felistas and I would like to thank you
all—friends and relatives—for coming to this event.
Exactly 30 years ago—shy of ten days—on
January 2, 1988, Felistas and I faced each other in front of Pastor Joe
Simfukwe of Lusaka Baptist Church and exchanged our wedding vows. We did not
know what lay ahead. I had just resigned my job as a mining engineer in
Mufulira and answered a call to pastor Kabwata Baptist Church—a church which at
that time had no church building, no pastor’s house, and not enough money to
pay my salary. As Mwindula's mother often says, “There were only two things we
were sure of: Conrad had a calling to pastoral ministry and I loved him. The
rest was left to God.”
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| Namundi being brought into the wedding ceremony by her parents |
Well, this is now 30 years later, and
apparently there is a Déjà vu. About ten years ago, Mwindula talked to us about
wanting to become a pastor. We told him to first obtain a degree in something
else, get a good job, and taste money. If after that he still wanted to become
a pastor, he should come and tell us. Earlier this year, he came and said, “I
have achieved what you wanted me to achieve. I have my degree in software
engineering. I have a good job with Society for Family Health. I get a good
salary. And I still want to be a pastor.” Who were we to refuse?
It was not long before he showed up
again. This time he was with Namundi, saying this is the woman he wanted to
marry. We asked the young lady—who is a lawyer—whether she knew the aspirations
of her knight in shining armour. She told us what her former church elder, Mr
Joseph Taguma, later repeated to us. She said that soon after her conversion,
she had begun to pray that she would get married to a pastor. One or two
courtships later she concluded that perhaps the Lord had other plans...until
Mwindula showed up! She now thinks she is back on track.
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| Mwindula looking at his bride as she is brought in by her parents |
The first time I met Namundi, I
suspected we would meet again and would have a lot to do with each other. It
was at a youth camp. She came to see me after one of my sermons, introduced
herself, and we talked. A day later she came up to me smiling and said, “Pastor
Mbewe, I'm sure you've forgotten my name.” She was right. I had been praying
she would not ask. Well, she told me her name and then charged me not to forget
it. Sadly, I forgot it again. So, the day the camp was ending, I pulled our daughter
Mwila aside and, pointing to her at a distance, I asked for her name.
“Namundi,” she said. This time I memorised it. The girl showed up at Kabwata
Baptist Church (KBC) and looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Aha, what's
my name?” This time, I was ready! That's how I knew we would have a lot to do
with each other. She soon joined KBC and we discovered she was living a few
streets away from our home. She got close to my wife as they began to have
weekly meetings at our home just between the two of them. My son saw her and,
as they say, the rest is history!
As some of you know, Mwindula joins our
pastoral internship programme in the next two weeks as part of his preparation
for a lifetime of pastoral ministry. To do so and at the same time bring a young
lady into your life as a wife demands the best even from the best of men.
Pastoral ministry puts you in the cross hairs of Satan’s most powerful weapons.
The way ahead will be challenging but at the same time very rewarding. Felistas
and I can testify to both those realities. That's part of the Déjà vu.
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| The bride's maids walking in before the bride was brought in |
Mwindula and Namundi, any parent will
tell you that it is their ardent prayer before God that their children may
marry the way you have done today. We are very proud of both of you. Too many
young professionals are simply starting to cohabit and before long you are told
that there is a baby on the way. They lack the social safety net of family and
the high rate of divorce bears witness to their folly. We are grateful to God
that you have sought parental consent and involvement in your relationship and
your coming together in marriage. That is how it should be.
Yet this is only the start of a journey.
What matters is how you finish, which is obviously dependent on how you travel.
The Bible begins in Genesis 1:1 with the words, “In the beginning, God
created.” Among the many things he created was the institution of marriage.
Therein lies the key to a successful and happy marriage. It is to follow what
the manufacturer of the institution says. The manufacturer’s manual is the
Bible. Follow what it says. He created marriage and so he knows best how to
keep it in good working order.
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| Dr Voddie Baucham preaching at the wedding of Mwindula and Namundi |
Perhaps another interesting piece of the
Déjà vu is the fact that the couple who did our premarital counselling were the
Nyirendas—Pastor Alfred and Tina Nyirenda. Well, thirty years later they did
the premarital counselling of Mwindula and Namundi—spanning two generations. We
told the courting couple that the counsel the Nyirendas gave us has stood us in
good stead these last thirty years. We are the proof of the pudding. Mwindula
and Namundi told us that after about thirty hours of lessons, Rev Nyirenda said
to them, “You can go and get married now. You are ready!”
Mwindula and Namundi, it is one thing to
be taught how to have a successful God-glorifying marriage. It is something
else to apply what you have learned. Many years ago we were called in to
witness the separation of a couple in our church to ensure that violence did
not occur as they divided their assets. We soon discovered that we were
redundant. The couple knew exactly what belonged to whom, even to the last
spoon. I asked them who their premarital counsellor was and they replied,
“You!” I refused and said that I counsel couples to have joint accounts and
purchase items from that common purse. That way everything is jointly owned.
They just looked down. We told them that they had never really been married;
they were merely living together.
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| Mwindula and Namundi with their parents on their wedding day |
So, Mwindula and Namundi, you have been
taught how to have a successful God-glorifying marriage. Make sure you start
putting into practice everything that you have been taught. You are meant to
apply those principles for the rest of your lives together. Every year
on our anniversary, Felistas and I pull out the headings of the notes we took
down from the premarital counselling we got from the Nyirendas thirty years
ago. We spend a whole morning going through them and asking ourselves in which
areas we are backsliding. We are brutally honest with each other. Then we pray
for God's help to make us better spouses and better parents. It has been a good
method of ensuring we apply what we were taught. I commend it to you!
I am leaving most of the thanksgiving to
Mwindula's grandfather, which he will give when he closes the whole event. Let
me end by thanking the wider family and the Kabwata Baptist Church members for
the role you have played in the lives of our children, and in this case in the
life of Mwindula. As for the church, you know that he was born in this very
church and has grown up to be what he is today because of the teaching and
influence of many of you. Thank you very much. Pray for him as he goes into
marriage with Namundi and in due season into pastoral ministry.
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| Mwindula and Namundi with Mwindula's siblings and parents |
Let me end this Déjà vu speech by
quoting an appropriate portion of the Bible. The apostle Paul upon surveying
God's inscrutable ways, says in Romans 11:33–36, “Oh, the depth of the riches
and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how
inscrutable his ways! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been
his counsellor?’ ‘Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?’ For
from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever.
Amen.”
I thank you!
(Postscript: Someone who attended our wedding
30 years ago reminded us later of another Déjà vu. Felistas and I provided a
finger snack for our guests on the church grounds straight after our wedding
ceremony instead of a full wedding reception. That is exactly what Mwindula and
Namundi opted for. Déjà vu!)
